A House is Not a Home
by CaptainSwanLuver
Summary: The Dark Swan has a new house and she wants Killian to live in it with her.


**Title** : A House is Not a Home

 **Author** : Steph aka CaptainSwanLuver  
 **Rating** : PG

 **Pairing** : Killian/Emma

 **Characters** : Killian, Emma  
 **Category** : Drama/Romance  
 **Disclaimer** : I do this out of a love for this couple. No infringement is intended.

 **Spoilers** : Based on spoiler photos from set.

 **Summary** : The Dark Swan has a new house and she wants Killian to live in it with her.

 **Note** : This popped into my head after seeing those spoiler photos about Emma having a house. I am interested to see how it plays out on the show. For those reading "Operation: Parent Trap" the last part will be out tomorrow and for those reading "What Could've Been" part 2 will be out on Wednesday. Thanks for reading and hope you enjoy it! ~Steph

…A House is Not a Home: Part 1/1...

As soon as she saw it, she knew it had to be hers. It was perfect. With its steel grey paint job, white trim, wrap around porch, and turrets.

It looked just like a dollhouse that she loved in one of her foster homes as a kid. One of the few good ones. She was six years old and she was finally with a kind, caring family. They even had a little girl the same age as her named Rachel. They loved playing together and the little girl generously shared her toys with Emma.

But Emma's favorite toy was Rachel's dollhouse. It wasn't one of those plastic things you can buy at any toy store. No, this was a one-of-a-kind, handmade wooden dollhouse. It had three floors with gigantic rooms. Each room was painstakingly decorated with tiny furniture. And it was filled with a happy family of dolls. A mommy and a daddy. A little boy and a little girl. Emma and Rachel spent hours playing with it.

After a few months with Rachel's family, her mother got pregnant and they didn't feel they could handle three kids. So Emma was sent back into a group home until she could be placed with yet another foster family. She remembered her last day with that family. She had played with the dollhouse one last time with Rachel before they took her away. It was the only time she cried leaving a family.

Growing up, Emma never had anything that was just hers. She either had to share with other foster kids or ask to use the kids' toys of the family she was being fostered by. Now, Emma wanted something to call all her own. Something no one could take away from her. She wanted a real home.

When Emma returned to Storybrooke as the Dark One, she was in need of a place to live. It was way past time for her to get her own place anyway, but she was also certain that her parents would be afraid to have her under their roof now that she was the Dark Swan. More importantly, she didn't want to be kept under their watchful eyes.

So, she had gone looking for a house. But the Dark One doesn't simply look up listings online or go to a real estate agency. No, instead, she poofed herself around town until she found what she was looking for.

And there it was in all its glory right in front of her. The home she had always wanted. The home she had dreamt of.

Emma walked up the front steps and rang the doorbell. It was answered by a man she had seen around town, but was not acquainted with. He, however, knew exactly who she was. More importantly, he knew who she had become.

His face paled and his eyes widened in fear. "Uh, can I help you?"

Emma smiled widely at him and responded in an eerily calm voice. "This is mine now."

"Excuse me?" he replied, his brow furrowing.

"This house," she said with a flourish of her hand. "It's mine now."

He swallowed hard. "I, uh, own this house. I live here with my wife and two young children."

Emma's lips tightened. "Charming, but I am sure you'll land on your feet. If not, I hear Granny's has some lovely rooms available."

"But-…"

"I'll be back tomorrow. I expect you and all of your things to be gone by then."

The man's voice trembled as he spoke. "And what happens if we aren't?"

A slow smile crept across Emma's lips. "I don't think you want to find out what happens."

With that, Emma turned on her heel and walked down the stairs, as the man stood in the doorway, his mouth agape.

…

Emma walked down the sidewalk, smirking at the fear she saw in the citizens' eyes. People stared at her wherever she went now. They moved to the other side of the street when they saw her walking towards them on the sidewalk. They flinched if she got too close to them.

She couldn't say she blamed them. Emma had already made quite an impression as the Dark Swan and she'd only been back for a few days. First, she had attempted to kill Gold. He deserved to die for everything he had done to those she loved. He was lying helpless in coma. It would have been so easy. But Killian had stopped her. She didn't understand why. If anyone should have wanted Gold to pay for his sins, it should have been him.

Then, she had turned two of the dwarves into frogs for insulting her new outfit. Following that, she made Granny dissolve into tears after she served her soggy grilled cheese. When she saw a dwarf wearing her red leather jacket, driving her car, and acting like he was sheriff, she torched the sheriff's station and turned him to stone. At this rate, Storybrooke was going to run out of dwarves soon.

Emma continued down the sidewalk until she saw him standing by her yellow bug. His hand was on it, his head bent. She smiled at his handsome figure. She'd missed him so much while she was gone. No matter who she was now, no matter who she became, her love for him would never diminish.

She couldn't deny things were strained between them now. Emma knew he still loved her, but he didn't understand who she had become and he was consumed with saving her. But she didn't want to be saved.

"Killian," she said, as she approached him.

His head jerked up and he turned toward her. She came up to him and grabbed his collar. His hands moved to her waist, but then quickly fell back to his side. She wanted to kiss him - it had been her intention when she grabbed his collar - but the serious expression on his face stopped her. She released her hold on him.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

His eyes narrowed at her. "You already know the answer to that question, love."

Emma smiled. "Well, I have some good news. Great, actually."

A flicker of hope appeared in his eyes. Maybe she had a lead on where Merlin was. So far, they had all come up empty.

"What is it?"

She couldn't help her grin. "I have a house. I finally have my own place."

Killian's brow furrowed. "You bought a house?"

Emma cocked her head to the side. "Well, I wouldn't exactly say I bought it."

Killian felt his jaw clench. "Then what would you say?"

"I'd say I took what I wanted," she replied.

"Emma, you took someone's house?" Killian asked.

Emma waved a hand in dismissal. "Don't worry. The family will be fine. Real estate is quite affordable in Storybrooke."

"That it is. So why couldn't you just buy yourself a house instead?"

Emma took a step back from him, folding her arms across her chest. "Because that was the house I wanted."

"What's so special about this house, love?"

Emma held her hand out to him. "Come with me and I'll show you," she said, her voice softening.

Killian hesitated for a moment, his eyes staring at her hand, before he slipped his into it.

…

Ten minutes later, they pulled up in front of Emma's new house. They both got out of the car and came to stand on the sidewalk in front of it.

"Here it is," she said, staring at it dreamily.

"It's lovely," he replied.

Emma turned to look at him. "You don't like it?" she asked.

He met her eyes. "I said it was lovely."

Emma nodded her head in understanding. "You just don't care for the way I got it." She paused, her eyes now sparkling. "What if I told you I didn't just get it for me?"

He arched an eyebrow. "What?"

She smiled at him gently. "I got it for us, Killian."

Killian's eyes grew wide in surprise. "Emma."

She stepped toward him, taking his hand in hers. "I love you, Killian. Many things have changed, but that hasn't and it never will."

"I know, love," he said, swallowing hard.

"And I know you love me too," she said.

He bobbed his head. "I do, Emma. I love you with all that I am."

Emma smiled. "Then I don't see the problem. It's too big for just me. I am certain Regina will never allow Henry to stay over. And you live on a ship. This is a real home for both of us. We can be together here. Just you and me."

Killian looked into her eyes. He still saw the woman he loved in them, but it was clouded by the darkness that seemed to grow with each passing day.

She came close to him, pressing a kiss to his lips and then pulled back, her voice lowering seductively. "Just think of what we can do in this house, Killian. All the privacy we'll have. All the space."

Killian swallowed against the lump in his throat. She certainly made a good argument and he couldn't deny he was tempted. If this had happened a couple of months ago, he would have jumped at the chance to live with her, to spend every moment they could together. But things had changed so much since then.

He decided to change the subject for the moment. He stepped back and turned toward the house, gesturing to it with his hook. "You never told me why this house."

Emma moved her gaze back to the house, a wistful smile upon her lips. "There was a foster family I lived with when I was six. They had a little girl my age and she had a dollhouse that looked just like this. I loved that dollhouse so much."

Killian turned his eyes over to her, his gaze scanning her face as she stared at the house. In that moment, she seemed like the lost little girl who only wanted a permanent home and a family that loved her. He knew she felt like she was finally giving that little girl what she wanted by getting this house. It broke his heart to think about her living in it all alone.

"You're not alone anymore, Emma. I know the wounds of your childhood still cut deep, but you have a family that loves you now. You have me. You don't need to take someone else's house to fill that void."

Emma turned to him and replied sharply. "I took it because I wanted it. It's done, so there really isn't any point in discussing it any longer." She paused, her voice softening. "The only question that remains is whether or not I will be living in it alone."

Killian licked at his lips nervously, as he dropped his gaze to the ground. "I can't, Emma. I'm sorry."

Emma's eyes sparked with anger for a moment. "Why?" she asked, her tone biting. "You say you love me."

"I do."

"Then tell me why!" she snarled at him, as she willed her tears away.

Killian met her gaze. He could see her fighting back tears and it killed him to know he was hurting her. That was the last thing he ever wanted to do.

He began slowly. "I can't go back to the man I was, Emma. I've told you, love. It's far too easy to slip back into the darkness. Living here with you, I don't think I could stop myself from going down that path again."

A grin curled her lips, as she brought her hand down to caress his hook. "What would be so bad about that? I was rather fond of the dark you."

Killian shook his head. "He wasn't the man you fell in love with. And he's not who I wish to be anymore."

"You wanted to be a better man for me, Killian. Well, I just want you, anyway I can have you. Don't you see? You don't have to pretend to be someone you're not for me anymore," she said.

Killian's eyes flashed with hurt. "Is that what you think I've been doing?"

She shrugged. "Well, isn't it? You were a pirate for nearly 300 years. You were hell bent on seeking revenge against Gold. It consumed you. And then you met me. You knew I could never be with the man you were, so you became someone you thought I could be with."

Killian shook his head. "No, Emma, you saw good in me that I didn't think existed anymore. You made me believe I could be more. I haven't been pretending to be someone else for you. I just found the man I was before pain and hate consumed me. I don't want to go back to the man I was before." He paused and added softly, "And the woman I fell in love with wouldn't want to be with him."

Emma's tongue dragged along her lips slowly. She brought her hand up and brushed her fingers across his cheek. "Well, maybe the woman standing in front of you does."

He took a step back, breaking contact with her. Her hand froze in midair for a moment, before she dropped it by her side.

He shook his head sharply. "The woman standing in front of me needs help. She doesn't need me to go back down that dark path because that man won't be able to help her."

"Stop talking about me like I'm broken," she snapped, her eyes flaring.

He sighed. "I didn't mean it like that, love. Before you were consumed by the darkness, you looked at me and your parents. And you said you believed we would save you. That we would find a way to rid you of the darkness. I vowed in that moment that I would do everything in my power to do that. I refuse to fail you, Emma."

"You're failing me right now," she replied, her voice emerging thick with emotion.

"That is not my intention," he said, his heart aching at the sound of her voice.

"Well, you know what they say about good intentions," she responded bitingly.

Killian stepped forward, cupping her face. "I let losing the woman I love destroy me once. I won't do it again. This time, I'm going to be better. I'm going to be the man you need me to be."

Emma smiled gently at him and leaned into his touch. For a moment, he thought he had gotten through to her.

"Pity," she said simply, then stepped away from him.

Killian felt his chest deflate. He watched as she turned away from him and walked down the path that led to the house. She went up the stairs, opened the door, and then slammed it shut behind her.

He felt like his heart was breaking all over again.

…

Two weeks passed after that night. Emma went about decorating the house. She vividly recalled what the rooms inside the dollhouse looked like and she tried her best to recreate them. She looked through magazines and whenever she found something she liked, she used her magic to make it appear. It was much easier, faster, and cheaper than going to the store or buying online.

When she had finished, she went from room to room in the large house. She smiled at her handiwork. It was a very close approximation of the dollhouse's décor. There was dark furniture and floral covered couches. The walls were painted bright colors. There were hardwood floors throughout. It was just the way she remembered it.

Except for one thing. It was empty. No amount of furniture or knickknacks could change that. It didn't contain the one thing she had always wanted: a family.

She understood in that moment that it was just a house, not a home. She could fill it with the finest furniture, but it would remain that way. She realized people make a house a home. Love makes a house a home. Without out those things, the house might as well have been as empty as her heart.

Henry wasn't there to sleep in his room, even though she'd made one for him. Her parents and little brother weren't there to share a family meal with her in the dining room or to cook with her in the kitchen.

Killian wasn't there to curl up with her on the couch in front of the fireplace. He wasn't there to make love to her in the king-size bed in her bedroom. It should have been their bedroom.

She looked out the bay window at the backyard, smiling at the swing set where the children she had hoped to have with him could play.

But none of that would happen now.

Killian didn't want to be with the person she had become. He had made that obvious. She didn't understand why he had called her everyday for the last two weeks. She had ignored every call and made it a point to avoid him.

Emma was thrown from her thoughts by the sound of the doorbell ringing. She went to answer it, surprised to find Killian standing in front of her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked coldly.

"Well, you've ignored my calls and have purposely been avoiding me, so I presumed this would be the only way to see you."

"Looks like someone can't take a hint," she replied.

Killian licked at his lips. "Emma, I miss you. I don't want things to be like this between us."

"Like what?" she asked. "You made it perfectly clear that you don't want to be with the person I am now. Obviously, I'm so awful that you can't stand to be around me."

"I never said that," he responded softly.

"You didn't have to," she whispered.

"Can I come in please?" he asked.

Emma stared at him for a few long moments, before reluctantly moving aside.

Killian stepped inside, his eyes surveying the living room.

"It's a beautiful house," he said, his eyebrows arching in surprise at the décor.

"What?" she asked.

He shrugged. "Nothing. I said it's beautiful."

"I know, but I saw your eyebrows do that thing," she said.

"What thing?" he asked.

"They went up," she replied. "You do that a lot."

Killian smiled sadly. He missed how well she knew him. "I wasn't aware of that."

"So what is it?"

"I'm just surprised by the décor, that's all."

Emma shrugged her shoulders. "What did you expect? Gargoyles? Everything painted black?"

Killian shook his head. "I don't know. Just not this."

Emma dropped her eyes. "Well, I wanted it to look like the dollhouse I remembered as a kid."

"Oh," he said, nodding.

They stood in awkward silence for a few long moments.

"Is that it? Are we done here?" she asked.

Killian sighed. "Emma, I love you and I want to be with you. I told you. I can't stand the way things are between us now."

Emma crossed her arms over her chest. "I asked you to live here with me, Killian, and you refused. What did you expect would happen after that?"

"I can't live with you right now, but that doesn't mean I don't want to be with you."

Emma shook her head. "No, you want to be with the woman I used to be. You want to hold onto that glimmer of goodness you think still exists inside of me. You don't want to accept me for who I am now."

"Emma, this isn't who you really are. You're the strongest, bravest, most caring woman I've ever met. You devoted yourself to helping others. You put everyone else first. You sacrificed yourself to save this town. That's who you are."

Emma let out a sigh. "Not anymore. Maybe this is who I was always meant to be. I'm free now, Killian. I can do as a please. I'm not burdened with saving anyone or making anyone happy but myself. I don't deny myself anything now." She paused and added softly, "If you can't accept that, then I don't want you in my life."

"Emma," Killian said, as he fought back tears.

She dropped her eyes. "I think you should go now."

"Please don't do this. If you isolate yourself from the people you love and who love you, then your heart will grow darker everyday."

"I'm not isolating myself from anyone. This entire town looks at me like I'm a pariah. My parents try to hide it, but I can see it in their eyes. They look at me like I'm a monster. My son looks at me like I'm a stranger. And you," she paused, swallowing hard. "You look at me with pity, like I'm some lost dog you need to save. I don't need any of it. I don't need any of you."

"You don't mean that," he whispered.

"Yes, I do," she replied quietly.

Emma moved to the door and threw it open. Killian bent his head, as he walked to the door. He stopped before crossing the threshold, meeting her eyes. He knew the woman he loved was in there somewhere. He would never give up on her.

"I checked on the family that owns this house. I made certain they found a nice home and got a very fair deal on it. I thought you'd like to know."

Emma didn't respond, but moved her eyes from his. He then stepped outside and she closed the door behind him.

…

One week later, Emma found Killian sitting on her porch. She had missed him terribly, but she tried not to let it show as she approached him.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"Show me the house," he replied.

"What?"

"I want you to show me the house. I only got to see the living room when I came by last time."

Emma shook her head. "Why?"

Killian stood up and came to stand close to her. "Because what's important to you is important to me."

"It won't change anything, Killian. It won't change who I am."

He nodded. "I know."

Emma sighed heavily, as she walked past him and entered the house. When she didn't slam the door in his face, he took it as an invitation to come inside.

He followed her into the kitchen. It had white cabinets, butcher-block countertops, and stainless steel appliances. There was a corner booth kitchen table with windows surrounding it. It was kitty corner to a large island. The walls were painted a cheery yellow.

"This is lovely," he said.

Emma stared at the kitchen table. "When I was little, I used to imagine sitting around the kitchen table with my family. It never happened with any of my foster families except Rachel's."

Killian didn't respond. She continued into the dining room where a long walnut dining room table sat at the center.

"I imagined family dinners during the holidays with everyone gathered around a table just like this."

Killian's eyes scanned her face. "You still have a family that loves you, Emma. That can become a reality."

Emma smiled bitterly at him. "Honestly, Killian, for someone as old as you are, you can be rather naïve sometimes. My parents aren't going to come over for Thanksgiving dinner. We're not going to sit around and swap funny stories and eat pumpkin pie. Just imagine how awkward that would be."

"Gold found a way to be with the people he loves as the Dark One. You can too."

Emma shook her head. "And look what he did to them."

Killian opened his mouth to respond, but thought better of it and snapped it shut. She led the way upstairs, stopping at the master bedroom.

"This bedroom would have been ours," she said.

A king-size four-post bed sat at its center. A fluffy white comforter with blue flowers covered it. He could imagine making love to Emma in that bed and waking up next to her on lazy Sunday mornings.

Her gaze swept across his face, the look in his eyes telling her exactly what he was thinking. She had imagined the same thing every night she lay in that bed. She'd even dreamt of it.

Emma shook free of those thoughts and continued down the hall to another bedroom. It was painted blue and had a plaid bedspread on the bed. Killian smiled as he noticed the nautical elements she had added in. A ship in a bottle on a bookshelf. An anchor hanging on the wall.

"I made this one for Henry, although I suppose he'll never get to use it."

"I am sure if you give Regina time she will allow you to see Henry."

Emma shook her head sadly. "It's better this way. I'm not any good for him. I would just end up hurting him. I realize that now."

"You love Henry. You would never harm him."

"Not physically, but emotional scars are just as damaging," she whispered. "Trust me, I know."

Emma closed the door and continued down the hall to the last bedroom. It was painted lilac with butterflies on the walls. There was a white bureau and a rocking chair. The rest of the room was empty, but it was clearly a room meant for a little girl.

He looked at her. "Who is this room for?"

Emma lowered her gaze. "The little girl I hoped we'd have one day."

Killian's mouth dropped open. "Emma."

She swallowed hard and shook her head. "It was silly. The dollhouse had a boy's room and a girl's room. I wanted to replicate it, so this is what I came up with. I'll probably change it into something else. Maybe a library."

"Don't," he said softly.

Emma met his gaze, as she fought back tears. "Why? This will never happen, Killian. You can't even live in the same house with me. You can barely stand to look at me. How can we build a life together? How can we have a child?"

Killian took her hand in his. "Things won't always be this way, Emma. You won't always be this way."

Emma tore her hand away from him. "Stop acting like I am temporary." She paused and shook her head. "It doesn't matter anyway. I would only hurt her like I would hurt Henry. Like I'd hurt you."

"I don't believe that," he replied softly.

Emma smiled sadly at him. "Yes, you do."

She turned away from him then and walked back downstairs. He stood rooted to his spot for a long moment, before following her. He found her looking out the window at the backyard. It had a swing set and a sandbox. There was even a tree house.

Killian came to stand by her side.

"It's a nice yard. Perfect for children to play in," he said.

She kept her eyes focused on the yard. "This was the yard I always wanted as a child. I wanted a tree house more than anything. A place I could go that I could call my own."

"I could see our children playing in this backyard, Emma," he said.

She turned to look at him. "Don't, Killian, please."

"Emma."

"You need to go now," she snapped.

Killian opened his mouth to argue, but then decided against it. He bowed his head.

"I trust you can see yourself out," she said.

He nodded and made his way to the front door. Emma returned her eyes to the backyard.

…

Two weeks later, Emma heard the doorbell ring and she went to answer it. Her brow furrowed at what sat on her porch. It was a large cardboard box with a big, red bow on top of it. Emma scanned the property to see if anyone was nearby who could have left it, but she didn't see anyone. She saw an envelope taped to the top. Her name was scrawled across it.

Emma carried the box inside and set it down in the living room. She took the envelope off the box and opened it. Emma removed a piece of paper, smiling at Killian's familiar handwriting.

 _Dear Emma,_

 _I have one wish for you. I wish for you to be happy. You may believe that being this person will make you happy, but I can assure you it will not. One day you will realize that. This gift is meant to give you hope. Hope that one day you will have everything you have ever wanted and you can finally let that lost little girl go._

 _Love forever,_

 _Killian_

Emma felt the tears burning her eyes, but she blinked them back. She set the paper down and opened the box, gasping at what was inside. It was an exact replica of the dollhouse she'd played with as a child. She pulled the dollhouse out and examined it, shocked by how it looked exactly like her own house. Each room was decorated in great detail and was a perfect recreation. There was even a backyard attached to it with a tree house.

"Do you like it, love?" she heard from behind her.

Emma spun around to find Killian standing in the doorway. She shook her head at him.

"How?" she asked simply.

He smiled as he came to stand beside her. "Gepetto. I took him here. Showed him the outside, all of the rooms, the backyard. We took pictures so he could use them to replicate it."

"You broke in?" she asked, trying to hide her smile.

Killian grinned. "Aye. The Dark One should really consider getting a better security system."

Emma moved closer to him. "This is amazing, Killian. No one…no one has ever done anything like this for me before." She bent her head, a stray tear falling down her cheek. "But I don't deserve it."

Killian placed his hand on her chin and lifted her head. He brushed her tear away with his knuckle. "Yes, you do. And so does that lost little girl that's still inside of you. That little girl you are trying so desperately to please and make happy."

"Thank you," she whispered.

Killian licked at his lips nervously. "I can see it all, Emma."

"What?" she asked, her brow furrowing.

"I can see us in this house together. Sitting on this couch in front of the fireplace. Eating breakfast in the kitchen. Having family dinners in the dining room. Holding you in our bed."

"Killian."

"I can see our little girl playing with this dollhouse in her room. I can see her playing in that backyard."

Emma lowered her head. "It's an impossible dream."

"No," he said, shaking his head. "I don't believe that. I believe we were meant to be together, Emma. I see the good in you even if you can't see it in yourself anymore. And I want to be with you no matter what."

Emma smiled and brought her hand up to caress his cheek. "You're a good man, Killian. And I want nothing more than to be with you. But you were right. Living here with me would only cause you to go back down that dark path. I love you too much to let that happen."

Killian sucked in a ragged breath. "That's a risk I'm willing to take. Emma, I love you. Please don't push me away."

Emma cupped his face and pressed a kiss to his lips. She pulled back, her forehead still touching his.

"Goodbye, Killian."

"Emma, please."

"Thank you for the gift. I will treasure it always," she replied, before walking to the door and opening it.

Killian stood frozen to his spot for a long moment, before finally moving to the door.

He met her eyes. "You should know by now, love, I'll never give up on you. One day, you will find the happiness you deserve, Emma. I can only hope I will be a part of it."

He then walked past her and out the door. Emma closed it behind him, as she finally let the full force of her tears come.

…...The End…...

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it and please let me know what you thought! ~Steph


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